Animal Planet is hosting the Red Carpet Opening Night event for the second season of  “Groomer Has It” this Saturday night.  To catch you up, GHI is Animal Planet’s version of American’s Next Top Model, only theirs is with dogs and groomers…. and the challenges have less to do with runways and more to do with animal shelters and dog parks but you get the drift.  Personally, I wasn’t so happy with the results of GHI 1.  At the end of last season the gentleman awarded the title was a rookie groomer with a sad tale who tugged on everyone’s heartstrings with some story about having come two years previously from a bad South Central LA neighborhood and caring for his sick momma or grandmomma and his child.  He has in direct competition with a veteran groomer who only brought experience to the competition and as anyone who watches reality competition will tell you, it’s not EVER about who sings the best (else how do you explain Megan Joy Corkrey making it to the Top 8 on American Idol this season?) or who can dance the best (can you say Cloris Leachman?) It’s about who has got the best backstory. 

Backstories tug at peoples heartstrings and make you want to root for someone- usually the underdog- and that makes people tune in. People tuning in equals ratings. Ratings are good for Reality Shows therefore Backstories are good for Reality Shows.  On the chalkboard it would look something like this:

Backstories + Personable Contestant = Underdog

Underdog = Someone to Root for + Tuning in Regularly

Someone to Root for + Tuning In Regularly = Huge Ratings

Therefore

Backstories + Personable Contestant = Huge Ratings

I didn’t necessarily have anything against the winner Artist- he just didn’t have a lot of experience. And now to find out that after winning he couldn’t make it in the “real world”, so three guesses what he is going to do now? You guessed it. He’s filming a reality show for Animal Planet, “Artist’s Beverly Hills Groomer.”  Care to tell me what a kid from the other side of town knows about Beverly Hills? Now my blood is beginning to boil and I rarely get mad about much. 

Host Jai Rodriquez and Nemo

The host of the show is Jai Rodriguez, formerly of ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’, but oh so much more charming here.  However, the real star of this show is Jai’s Yorkshire Terrier, Nemo.  A cuter dog you would never hope to meet. Nemo brings notes to the contestants telling them where to gather for their next assignment like Mission Impossible XXXVI (and then one of those lucky contestants gets to bring Nemo with them.) Nemo shines brighter than anyone else.

THE JUDGES

Groomer Has It’s reigning Diva’s are the panel of judges which makes Top Chef’s Tom Colicchio look tame in comparison- and I didn’t think that was humanly possible.  Animal Planet assembled a team of judges who collectively thrash the contestants at the end of each show:

Karen “Doc” Halligan, DVM

I’ll spare you her CV with the exception to say that she’s earned her place at the table- Doc Halligan is currently the Director of Veterinary Services at the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, Los Angeles (SPCA LA). It’s safe to say that Doc is the “Paula” of the group. She’s knowledgeable at her craft and kind in what she says to the groomers.

Joey Villani

Joey is THE judge of the group.  An International Judges Association (IJA)  registered judge with over 34 of grooming expertise, he brings enthusiasm and experience.  Fond of saying, “That’s IT, Baby!” when he sees something he likes, its easy to follow his line of reasoning. Joey is the “Randy of the group.

Xavier Santiago

Xavier, the third judge, comes from the world of canine competition where he would attend some 75 shows a year.  He owned, trained, handled and showed world champion Alaskan Malamutes, going on to expand his knowledge to other groups including the sporting, non-sporting, herds, and hounds.  He’s “Simon”- snarky and mean.

So we have one vet, one judge, and one handler.  I wish Animal Planet showed us more of the debate of what is said between them so we could get a feel of why the decisions are made. As it is, Daisy and I are left feeling somewhat cheated… and wondering whether we should waste our time watching.  But Daisy likes dog shows and so do I. As there aren’t many of them, and we are reality show junkies, we’ll do the math and keep you apprised of the results.

I was perusing through the Life Archives (if you haven’t done this yet you are missing a treat at www.life.com) and found some really great photos of chihuahuas from all over the world.

These chis were dressed for the Chinese New Year in 2007

Paula Abdul with her long hair chihuahua (she looks like Daisy!!) Four years after this, Paula tripped over Tulip and broke her toe.

A woman holding four long haired chis during the Cruft’s dog show.

And how about the markings on this little beauty??

No one should get mad at a cutie like this. So here you go, just a sampling of what you can find in the archives. Now go look for something you are interested in. From the 1860’s on it’s a treasure trove.

Hey, I wouldn’t mind someone saying that to me every once in a while.  I’ve been sick for a while- a long while. In that time I’ve felt my womanly wiles slip away day by day.  It’s easy to do when you are only able to take a bath once a week.  So when I heard the new trailer for Beverly Hills Chihuahua, I thought the trailer was fairly cute, (The male lead issues the immortal words in my post title…)  and it brought a couple of things home to roost.   The first being that I had become the female equivalent of a eunuch. Not something that a woman who has been married a quarter of a century needs to be hit over the head with.

I’ve traded silk slips for long sleeved pajamas and sexy trysts for sleeping pills long ago. I have a wonderful husband who I wouldn’t trade for all the silk slips in China. I think this is the part where I’m suppose to say “It isn’t him, it’s me” but I certainly wouldn’t mind a tongue in my ear- other than Daisy’s.

Daisy and I couldn’t even write this for days. Just about the time we were getting all excited about a possible showmance blooming between Laura and Travis

as seen here discussing how difficult it is to find someone to love who also loves our dogs (in our household this isn’t a problem because Daisy’s Dad, Mr. B,  adores Daisy almost as much as Daisy’s Mom does which is a good thing because Mrs. B worships Mr. B so we understand about cuddlefests in this home.)  Then what goes and happens?  First, the judges assign an asinine test to the contestants. I mean, really? Who ever heard of dog painting? First time Daisy tried to help Mr. B out with painting our bathroom it was a fiasco and I was trying to get paint out of her hair for a week.

Beth Joy  taped sponges to Bella Starlet’s feet causing her to cry out in pain on several occasions.  Several of the contestants noticed and said something to themselves or one another. During the judging when the judges asked Laura why she didn’t push Preston to do more, Laura defended her actions by saying she wasn’t going to cause trauma to her dog like some other owners had. The judges wanted names and Laura said  This caused Beth Joy (who was sitting in another room watching on a closed-circuit television to go ballistic.)  The judges questioned Beth Joy who said as a rescue dog ‘this had given them an opportunity to push through some issues with her feet.”  What a crock of manure. Beth Joy, of course, denied it and turned on the tears again- no surprise.  What did surprise everyone, however, was that Travis came to Beth Joy’s defense saying that she was a good owner and would never hurt Bella intentionally.   No one else spoke up- and with that Laura’s fate was sealed.

I will miss Preston. He was the feistiest little man on the block.  I intend on keeping up with him.  He has his own website at www.prestoncasanova.com .   Last night, Preston was on “5 Minutes of Fame” on  thestream.tv ! He was too cute and Laura was beautiful.

Greatest American Dog will not be the same. Who are we supposed to root for now? Is Laura going hold her votes and ask for a spot at the Convention? Are we doing a roll call on week 13 until she releases her votes?

Such sportsmanship was shown by Teresa when she won the Dog-Bone Suite and immediately gave the Suite (and the attached ‘leg-up’ in the Main Challenge) to Bill who was so home-sick for his wife and children.   Just when we thought Teresa should go, she lives on to show us that she has a huge heart. Daisy and I say, “Kudos, Teresa.”

Discoveries abounded tonight! First, our sweet, little Preston, like most men I know, doesn’t dance. Despite his lion cut and tie-dyed hair, we now know for certain one thing- he isn’t gay.  If he had been, he would have torn that dance floor up.

Laura tried. Oh my, how she tried.  She looked like a junior high school girl on Homecoming Night but our darling little Preston Casanova was stubborn. So stubborn he could have placed a new definition in the dictionary for the word.  Preston wasn’t budging and he won….. well, in his own mind.

As all men will tell you, when dealing with women, being stubborn only ends up getting you in trouble. In Preston’s case- the bottom three. Preston was lucky. Beacon got the ax. She obviously couldn’t ballet. Maybe not being able to dance isn’t gender-based after all.

Daisy and I didn’t realize we were watching The Bachelor. I wonder if Travis realized that is what he had signed up for with Brandy becoming more and more churlish with each passing week.  JD at least calls childish behavior when he sees it, “How did you get past the doors?” he asked quizzically, looking at her and shaking his head.

Tonight’s Suite Challenge was another Second Place finish for my wonderful Preston.  Laura obviously knows her little Monkey-Man- just not his penchant for tofu!!

The Main Challenge, however, wasn’t on equal footing. The Challenge was a Photo Shoot where the owners were given a word to convey during the Shoot.  Some of the words were difficult, no doubt- “suspicious” and “mischievous”.  We will miss Ron and Tillman.  Whether or not it was their week to go home remains open to debate.  Teresa and Leroy had drawn the worst word of all- “angry.”  In fact, as an owner, had I drawn the word, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have refused the shoot.  Would I have subjected Daisy to an hour of angry behavior at my hands? No. I’m fairly certain I would have rather gone home than for her to think that I would harm her.  I’m disappointed in the producers for placing the word in with other words such as “regal” and “love.”  I’m disappointed in our darling Laura for suggesting the use of the snarl bands to Teresa but what was she to do to get such an awful picture without them?   I’m disappointed in Teresa, not necessarily for going along with the snarl bands, but for agreeing to go along with the word to begin with.  Anger and animals should never be in the same sentence together. Even mine.

Elvis is gone from the Greatest American Dog and I actually cried. The bond between David and Elvis was enough to break your heart.  David knew Elvis was a miscreant and loved him all the more.  Don’t you wish everyone had someone who loved them such?

I think Daisy and I might be over Brandy and Beacon.  Any owner who yells at her dog and STILL wins the Master Suite just doesn’t deserve to be there.  While attempting to train Beacon for the second challenge, she repeatedly kept jerking his collar. David got chastised for the behavior but the judges just haven’t seen Brandy yet.  Beacon deserves better and so do we.  

In defense of Bella Starlet (who isn’t on our list of ‘Favorites’), last week she was chastised for wearing clothes. As you can see in the photograph above, so do many of the other contestants including our beloved Preston. Even Daisy has a closet full of couture clothing that keeps her warm during the cold months. However, when being judged, none of the others came to Beth Joy’s defense (which I can understand at Judging Table) during the altercation between she and Laurie. Poor sportsmanship.

Kudos to Bill and Star who were quick to show their teammates how to run the agility course. Our boy Preston couldn’t have done it without you! And speaking of Preston…. Once again our precious little Preston came awfully close to making it to the Master Suite (he came in second and did you hear Laura tell Ron of all Preston’s accomplishments?? “He knows ‘go around’, ‘over’, ‘under’, ‘through’, ….” that woman was rattling them off like a freight train.  Poor Ron looked shellshocked) and was on the winning team for the second challenge.  Best of all, our little darling learned how to do the tunnels in one afternoon.  Go, Preston, you’re our man!!

And while Elvis may have had his behavior issues, David, like most dog owners, loved his dog. Training is a basic issue of any animal no matter how much you love them and this should be able to be accomplished without physical or verbal abuse (I think Ms. Stilwell will agree.)  The judges only see a small amount of what we are allowed to see and that taints our perception of the dogs and who are our favorites.  In the meantime, Elvis has left the building.

Tonight the right dog went home- which was any dog that wasn’t Preston! We love Preston and have been emailing Preston’s Mom, Laura, like a stalker to tell her that the dreams of small dogs everywhere lie firmly on the bony little shoulders of her precious little Pom.  So far, So good.  Preston came in second in the first challenge tonight.  Some stupid boxer made a left turn faster than our precious little pooch did and thus knocked Preston out of the privilege of getting to live in the Master Suite for a whole week but we’re not worried. Laura and Preston will do it again.  For those of you who haven’t met them yet:

Goooooo, Preston. Our hopes are with you.

Daisy doesn’t like her photo taken. It isn’t the camera. It’s the sitting still for more than five seconds in a row in a location of your choice. She knows the command to “sit”- just not when you have the camera in your hand.  I am firmly convinced there is an invisible cord between the shutter and her neck. Either that of she is even more haughty than even my sister claims Daisy is… and no one thinks that is possible.

We attempted to take some photographs of Daisy outdoors on one of my limited outdoor sojourns.  But true to previous attempt just as the shutter went off… she turned her nose.  We repeated this process and repeated it until she finally got tired and laid down. That was the bad news because we gave up about the same time she did.    So much for a career in pet photography.

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