Hey, I wouldn’t mind someone saying that to me every once in a while.  I’ve been sick for a while- a long while. In that time I’ve felt my womanly wiles slip away day by day.  It’s easy to do when you are only able to take a bath once a week.  So when I heard the new trailer for Beverly Hills Chihuahua, I thought the trailer was fairly cute, (The male lead issues the immortal words in my post title…)  and it brought a couple of things home to roost.   The first being that I had become the female equivalent of a eunuch. Not something that a woman who has been married a quarter of a century needs to be hit over the head with.

I’ve traded silk slips for long sleeved pajamas and sexy trysts for sleeping pills long ago. I have a wonderful husband who I wouldn’t trade for all the silk slips in China. I think this is the part where I’m suppose to say “It isn’t him, it’s me” but I certainly wouldn’t mind a tongue in my ear- other than Daisy’s.

Daisy and I couldn’t even write this for days. Just about the time we were getting all excited about a possible showmance blooming between Laura and Travis

as seen here discussing how difficult it is to find someone to love who also loves our dogs (in our household this isn’t a problem because Daisy’s Dad, Mr. B,  adores Daisy almost as much as Daisy’s Mom does which is a good thing because Mrs. B worships Mr. B so we understand about cuddlefests in this home.)  Then what goes and happens?  First, the judges assign an asinine test to the contestants. I mean, really? Who ever heard of dog painting? First time Daisy tried to help Mr. B out with painting our bathroom it was a fiasco and I was trying to get paint out of her hair for a week.

Beth Joy  taped sponges to Bella Starlet’s feet causing her to cry out in pain on several occasions.  Several of the contestants noticed and said something to themselves or one another. During the judging when the judges asked Laura why she didn’t push Preston to do more, Laura defended her actions by saying she wasn’t going to cause trauma to her dog like some other owners had. The judges wanted names and Laura said  This caused Beth Joy (who was sitting in another room watching on a closed-circuit television to go ballistic.)  The judges questioned Beth Joy who said as a rescue dog ‘this had given them an opportunity to push through some issues with her feet.”  What a crock of manure. Beth Joy, of course, denied it and turned on the tears again- no surprise.  What did surprise everyone, however, was that Travis came to Beth Joy’s defense saying that she was a good owner and would never hurt Bella intentionally.   No one else spoke up- and with that Laura’s fate was sealed.

I will miss Preston. He was the feistiest little man on the block.  I intend on keeping up with him.  He has his own website at www.prestoncasanova.com .   Last night, Preston was on “5 Minutes of Fame” on  thestream.tv ! He was too cute and Laura was beautiful.

Greatest American Dog will not be the same. Who are we supposed to root for now? Is Laura going hold her votes and ask for a spot at the Convention? Are we doing a roll call on week 13 until she releases her votes?

Such sportsmanship was shown by Teresa when she won the Dog-Bone Suite and immediately gave the Suite (and the attached ‘leg-up’ in the Main Challenge) to Bill who was so home-sick for his wife and children.   Just when we thought Teresa should go, she lives on to show us that she has a huge heart. Daisy and I say, “Kudos, Teresa.”

Discoveries abounded tonight! First, our sweet, little Preston, like most men I know, doesn’t dance. Despite his lion cut and tie-dyed hair, we now know for certain one thing- he isn’t gay.  If he had been, he would have torn that dance floor up.

Laura tried. Oh my, how she tried.  She looked like a junior high school girl on Homecoming Night but our darling little Preston Casanova was stubborn. So stubborn he could have placed a new definition in the dictionary for the word.  Preston wasn’t budging and he won….. well, in his own mind.

As all men will tell you, when dealing with women, being stubborn only ends up getting you in trouble. In Preston’s case- the bottom three. Preston was lucky. Beacon got the ax. She obviously couldn’t ballet. Maybe not being able to dance isn’t gender-based after all.

Daisy and I didn’t realize we were watching The Bachelor. I wonder if Travis realized that is what he had signed up for with Brandy becoming more and more churlish with each passing week.  JD at least calls childish behavior when he sees it, “How did you get past the doors?” he asked quizzically, looking at her and shaking his head.

Tonight’s Suite Challenge was another Second Place finish for my wonderful Preston.  Laura obviously knows her little Monkey-Man- just not his penchant for tofu!!

The Main Challenge, however, wasn’t on equal footing. The Challenge was a Photo Shoot where the owners were given a word to convey during the Shoot.  Some of the words were difficult, no doubt- “suspicious” and “mischievous”.  We will miss Ron and Tillman.  Whether or not it was their week to go home remains open to debate.  Teresa and Leroy had drawn the worst word of all- “angry.”  In fact, as an owner, had I drawn the word, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have refused the shoot.  Would I have subjected Daisy to an hour of angry behavior at my hands? No. I’m fairly certain I would have rather gone home than for her to think that I would harm her.  I’m disappointed in the producers for placing the word in with other words such as “regal” and “love.”  I’m disappointed in our darling Laura for suggesting the use of the snarl bands to Teresa but what was she to do to get such an awful picture without them?   I’m disappointed in Teresa, not necessarily for going along with the snarl bands, but for agreeing to go along with the word to begin with.  Anger and animals should never be in the same sentence together. Even mine.

Elvis is gone from the Greatest American Dog and I actually cried. The bond between David and Elvis was enough to break your heart.  David knew Elvis was a miscreant and loved him all the more.  Don’t you wish everyone had someone who loved them such?

I think Daisy and I might be over Brandy and Beacon.  Any owner who yells at her dog and STILL wins the Master Suite just doesn’t deserve to be there.  While attempting to train Beacon for the second challenge, she repeatedly kept jerking his collar. David got chastised for the behavior but the judges just haven’t seen Brandy yet.  Beacon deserves better and so do we.  

In defense of Bella Starlet (who isn’t on our list of ‘Favorites’), last week she was chastised for wearing clothes. As you can see in the photograph above, so do many of the other contestants including our beloved Preston. Even Daisy has a closet full of couture clothing that keeps her warm during the cold months. However, when being judged, none of the others came to Beth Joy’s defense (which I can understand at Judging Table) during the altercation between she and Laurie. Poor sportsmanship.

Kudos to Bill and Star who were quick to show their teammates how to run the agility course. Our boy Preston couldn’t have done it without you! And speaking of Preston…. Once again our precious little Preston came awfully close to making it to the Master Suite (he came in second and did you hear Laura tell Ron of all Preston’s accomplishments?? “He knows ‘go around’, ‘over’, ‘under’, ‘through’, ….” that woman was rattling them off like a freight train.  Poor Ron looked shellshocked) and was on the winning team for the second challenge.  Best of all, our little darling learned how to do the tunnels in one afternoon.  Go, Preston, you’re our man!!

And while Elvis may have had his behavior issues, David, like most dog owners, loved his dog. Training is a basic issue of any animal no matter how much you love them and this should be able to be accomplished without physical or verbal abuse (I think Ms. Stilwell will agree.)  The judges only see a small amount of what we are allowed to see and that taints our perception of the dogs and who are our favorites.  In the meantime, Elvis has left the building.

Tonight the right dog went home- which was any dog that wasn’t Preston! We love Preston and have been emailing Preston’s Mom, Laura, like a stalker to tell her that the dreams of small dogs everywhere lie firmly on the bony little shoulders of her precious little Pom.  So far, So good.  Preston came in second in the first challenge tonight.  Some stupid boxer made a left turn faster than our precious little pooch did and thus knocked Preston out of the privilege of getting to live in the Master Suite for a whole week but we’re not worried. Laura and Preston will do it again.  For those of you who haven’t met them yet:

Goooooo, Preston. Our hopes are with you.

Daisy doesn’t like her photo taken. It isn’t the camera. It’s the sitting still for more than five seconds in a row in a location of your choice. She knows the command to “sit”- just not when you have the camera in your hand.  I am firmly convinced there is an invisible cord between the shutter and her neck. Either that of she is even more haughty than even my sister claims Daisy is… and no one thinks that is possible.

We attempted to take some photographs of Daisy outdoors on one of my limited outdoor sojourns.  But true to previous attempt just as the shutter went off… she turned her nose.  We repeated this process and repeated it until she finally got tired and laid down. That was the bad news because we gave up about the same time she did.    So much for a career in pet photography.

..

Daisy is watching CBS’s new show, Greatest American Dog with much anticipation.  For that matter, I am as well.  For one thing, I am amazed that these dogs mind their owners… not the other way around!  How did that happen??  And the dogs sleep in their own beds!  How did THAT happen?? Of course, we are fans of Laura and Preston.

Preston is a purebred Pomeranian but we are trying not to hold that against him.  He is as close to a chihuahua as is in the competition and is having to hold the torch for all small dogs.  Laura says that Preston goes everywhere that she goes and Daisy understands that well so Preston got our vote.

Last night, the contestants had to play musical chairs (Preston didn’t win- a border collie did. What IS a border collie anyway? Did anyone ever hear of taking a border collie into a bank in your purse?) and had to perform- where Preston DID win.  We were so proud.  We knew he had it in him.

You all can pick your favorites. We KNOW the dictatorial and tenacious nature of small dogs.  Goooooooo, Preston!!!

Nothing has been as highly anticipated around our household as the September arrival of Walt Disney’s new animated musical, Beverly Hills Chihuahua.  For me, I always knew the tiny spitfires had enough personality to carry an entire movie, it just took a while for the rest of the movie-production world to catch up.

 

Daisy is two and in the two years since she came to join our household… or should I say, since she’s taken over, I’d like to say we need an alarm clock but Mr. B hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep since she arrived.  I read once that chihuahua’s have a bladder the size of a shot glass. Daisy’s, I’m not sure holds that much. Each and every night, poor Mr. B takes her out before going to bed and then in the wee hours he feels a wet tongue on his face. He reaches for his jeans and off they go into the deep dark to take care of her necessities. A short while later later back they come, she burrows underneath the covers and he attempts to go back to sleep.  Her nighttime sojourns don’t seem to bother her sleep a bit. When’s she’s ready to wake up, it’s slobbery kisses from a tongue that I swear is probably as long as her body (or maybe it just feels that way at 6:30 in the morning until we’re awake) cause she has to go back out again. Starting to get the picture, aren’t you? Everything runs around that four pounds of sheer terror and her continence schedule. I wonder if they make Doggie Detrol.

She spends her days piled up on my lap, eating custom made dog food, playing with more toys than most preschools, and did I mention the lap? Mr. B said I always wanted a lap dog and I got one.  Trouble is I think it’s my lap and she thinks it’s her seat.